I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
