First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
