You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
