I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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