How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
