Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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