i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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