what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
