so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
