we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
