please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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