am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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