Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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