Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they're like a gay fantastic four
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
