It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
whose ass print is on the piano?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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