I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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