he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
