she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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