I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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