Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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