kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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