You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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