WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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