youre lurking in front of me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
