when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
