apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
