I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
