I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize