drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
