just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
