how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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