some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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