pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
