Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
