I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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