If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize