that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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