i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
