sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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