i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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