I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize