some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
