Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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