sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
