Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
