I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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