Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
