Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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