why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
