So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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