Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
