nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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