That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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