I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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