It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
