That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
