Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
