Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
