she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
