Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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