My hand turned me down
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
