Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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