im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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