U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
