I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
