No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
